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what is it with me?
Feb. 25th, 2005 02:14 amrosesforaliar: well, i'm sure whatver i say wont really matter but i do have this. you are a very beautiful, talented, extrordanary girl who deserves only the best of what this world has to offer. any guy who would turn down the opportunity to be even just your friend is a fool. and any guy who is lucky enough to be considered your boyfriend should treat you like the queen that you are. guys like kyle and cokehead didnt see this and didnt understand what great opportunity they had. i honestly feel sorry and sickened by them at the same time because of this.
rosesforaliar: dont put yourself down, assuming no guy wants to be with you. the ones who dont want to, are the ones you shouldnt be with. they are the fools here. not you
...wow. I thought that was worth saving. I feel loved. Ha.
I'm more bothered by the fact that I even care so much. I mean, guys never used to be able to get to me. At some point I let down my guard and all the sudden I'm vulnerable and needy. Where, oh where, did Miss Independent-Touch-Me-And-I'll-Break-Your-Stupid-Jaw go? THIS NEVER USED TO MATTER TO ME. So why is it getting me down all the sudden!? Why do I care? I've never needed anyone in my life...
It's just...I miss being in love. Isn't that stupid? I'm too fucking young to covet something so misconstrued.
And in the meantime, I'll just pollute and exploit my body to get my fix; to get me by while I try to convince myself that it's making me happy. And I'll remain unattached, and I'll be numb, and I won't let myself feel anything to keep myself from getting hurt. And all the while I'll be slowly destroying any chances I may have had without knowing it. And then hopefully I'll wake up someday and see where I went wrong. I don't even know what it is I want. Maybe when I figure that out, this yearning will go away.
There has to be more than this. There has to be.
rosesforaliar: dont put yourself down, assuming no guy wants to be with you. the ones who dont want to, are the ones you shouldnt be with. they are the fools here. not you
...wow. I thought that was worth saving. I feel loved. Ha.
I'm more bothered by the fact that I even care so much. I mean, guys never used to be able to get to me. At some point I let down my guard and all the sudden I'm vulnerable and needy. Where, oh where, did Miss Independent-Touch-Me-And-I'll-Break-Your-Stupid-Jaw go? THIS NEVER USED TO MATTER TO ME. So why is it getting me down all the sudden!? Why do I care? I've never needed anyone in my life...
It's just...I miss being in love. Isn't that stupid? I'm too fucking young to covet something so misconstrued.
And in the meantime, I'll just pollute and exploit my body to get my fix; to get me by while I try to convince myself that it's making me happy. And I'll remain unattached, and I'll be numb, and I won't let myself feel anything to keep myself from getting hurt. And all the while I'll be slowly destroying any chances I may have had without knowing it. And then hopefully I'll wake up someday and see where I went wrong. I don't even know what it is I want. Maybe when I figure that out, this yearning will go away.
There has to be more than this. There has to be.
